Enjoying Your Man

Men are brought up to be the head of their home. It is drummed into them from childhood that they are to lead their wife and children. They are to be in charge and in control of the wife and children. They have the final say over the home. They have been elected by God for this post and all human that fights this election fights a lost battle.
 Personally I celebrate this truth. I respect and honour the post of headship given to a man over his family. It is the way it is, it is the way it should be. Call me old fashion, it is what it is. Any woman that wants to have a true man in her life will have to accept and celebrate this truth. When I say a true man, I mean a man in every sense of the word. A responsible male who knows and understand his role, purpose and placement with regards to his home.
 However, I cannot but be disgusted when I see irresponsible men who have no understanding or respect for their position as the head of the home. Men who abuse, use, feed off, maltreat, violate, manipulate, embarrass, denies, incapacitate, dehumanize, desert and damage their wives with the power they have as the head of the home.
 On the other hand, no woman will enjoy her life if she takes over the man's place as the head of the home by default. For whatever reason, a woman that takes over the role of the head of her home when her husband is alive and well is undertaking a thankless job. Everyone and everything will be against her. The husband, the children, the in-laws, her family, the society, etc. Even if she did so because the man fails to step up to his responsibilities,  she will still be blamed. So a woman must allow her husband to be the head of the home. Don't even try to unsurp his position.
 The only legitimate thing a woman have a right to do if her husband is not responsible or good to her and the children (as the head of the home) is to leave him, and not dethrone him as the head of the home while there is a home.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!

Abuse destroys Natural Affection between A Man and his Woman

No matter how strong the love between two people are, the moment one or the two of them becomes abusive, the quality of their relationship takes a downward spiral.  There is a natural affection between two people in love, between two people in friendship and people married to one another. Tgis affection is greatly compromised by abuse.

 

There is no way the natural affection between a man and his woman will be preserved if the man or woman is an abuser. Except they fake it, how can one truly stay in love with a person that subjects one to pain, shame, harm and injuries on a constant basis? How can one even want intimacy with such a person?  Is it not that victims pretend and endure the presence, touch and person of their abuser? For peace sake.

 

If you want your partner to love you truly, stop being abusive. If you want the natural affection between you to be preserved, don't abuse one another.

Be it physical, emotional, psychological, financial, mental, spiritual, sexual and all other kinds of abuse. DON'T DO IT! or STOP IT!

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Proofs follows Conviction

It is not enough to say with our mouths that we stand against abuse, we must be willing and ready to a align our actions with our words. Is it not deception when we say we have zero tolerance for abuse, yet we look the other way when we see victims of abuse seeking our help to leave an abusive environment?

 

Is it not hypocrisy when our loved ones are abusing their family and we fail to call them to order? Are we not deluding ourselves when we are either being abused or we are abusive towards others and we pretend as if all is well?

 

If we whole heartedly believe that abuse is wrong, that it is a crime against God and humanity, then, we should live out our conviction. We should not exempt anyone from the duty of being fair and just to their fellow human beings, not even ourselves.

 

It is when we do this that we can say for a fact that we do indeed have zero tolerance for abuse; not when we cry out in outrage against an abusive act of a random stranger.

 

This is a call for action, and I speak to all of us, including myself. We have a duty to constantly check for abuse in our lives, the lives of our loved ones and those that live around us. We have a duty to speak out against abuse whenever we see it. Even if we cannot actively put a stop to it, speaking out against it goes a long way in curbing the perpetrators and in giving courage to the abused.

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Zero Tolerance for Abuse and Self Love

What does having zero tolerance for abuse mean? It means not being able to condone abuse in one's life or in the lives of other people. It means not being abusive towards yourself or other people. It means standing against every form of abuse in words, actions, and deeds.
 It means going out of your way to put a stop to abuse whenever you are in a position to do so. It means not minding people's criticism when they accuse you of interference. It means not minding the inconvenience occasioned by your selfless acts of service to stop abuse and save victims of abuse.
 It means turning your back to and disowning anyone that stands against the struggle for an abuse free world, no matter who or what they are to you. It means adopting total strangers as friends and family because they share your convictions and fight with you to birth a positive change in the world.
 It means dying to selfish desires, sentiments, manipulative love and attachments. It means heeding the call to serve the good for all humanity.  You might think you do not count and your actions does not matter but this is far from the truth. You count, and your actions matter.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Stop giving men money

Men by nature are very territorial, with a high sense of pride in their roles as provider, protector and head. Strongly tied to their identity is the performance of these roles.  A woman that wants the love and respect of her man must always keep this truth in mind while dealing with issues that affects the performance of these roles.

A lot of women love their men wrongly. They love him to death. Or to put it in a better way, they love his love for them out of him.  What do I mean? I'll explain myself. There is nothing wrong in loving your man. Nothing wrong in helping him financially. Nothing wrong in giving to him, as long as you do this with understanding.

If you are in a position to assist your man financially, instead of giving him fish, teach him how to fish and link him to the pond where to fish. Empower him to be the man God created him to be and let him find himself in the process. Don't keep handing him fish, feeding his hunger but stripping him of his dignity and pride in the process.  He will not love you for this but will resent you.  If you continue doing the same thing over a long period of time, his resentment will turn into hatred.

Also, don't take up his responsibilities at home and expect him to be grateful and appreciative. You are practically taking over his identity and you expect him to be happy? He cannot be. All the love, regards,  appreciation, and privileges attached to these duties goes to you instead of to him, how can you expect him to be okay with that? If you are in his shoes, would you be? You remove the balls of your man when you take over his duties because he is not financially capable.

Instead of doing that, support him to be able to earn more. Empower him. Invest into his business, work, endeavours, skills etc. Then let him use the money he makes from his sweat/efforts to take care of you and the children. He will appreciate and love you for helping him to be able to do this. Except if he is not a good man.

Love with knowledge women. Stop feeding your husbands. Help them to be able to feed themselves and the family. That is the help men will appreciate, love and reward.

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Don't Compare Yourself To Someone Else

We are all different and unique from one another. While we may share some common denominators, there are also things that set us apart from each and every person. A matured mind knows the importance of celebrating individual uniqueness/differences in people.
 There are people that are good at working under other people, while some do best when they are independent. Some are good team mates while some are lone rangers. Some are extroverts while some are introverts, and some are in between.
 I believe that everyone has something wonderful to contribute to the world. Deposited in us are gifts and talents we can bless the world with, as long as we do not look down on those gifts or ourselves. Don't allow anyone to despise you or what you have to offer, no matter how irrelevant that talent, gift, ability might seem to be.
 It is essential that you believe in yourself and your gift (s) before it can amount to anything. Whatever your gifts are, be it singing, dancing, peace-making, organizing, marketung, networking, cooking, writing, office work, field work, research, public speaking, teaching, care giving, etc; be good at it, know your efforts counts, you matter, so give it your best.
 As human beings, we tend to place more value and worth on money and prestige more than fulfilment and purpose. The happiest people are those that have discovered their purpose in life. Once your life is adding value to you and others, you are an asset. Even if you are not rich. Even if you are not where you wish to be. It's a matter of time. Stop comparing your life with the lives of other people. Face your destiny, give your best and you'll get to be among the best.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Rules Of Relationship

All relationships have rules and expectations guiding them. To excel in a particular relationship and  also enjoy all the entitlements due to you in it, you must know and understand the rules guiding that type of relationship. 

 

A wife that wants to enjoy the joy of a good husband must understand men and know how to bring out the best in her man. She must have a sound understanding of the duties, roles and responsibilities of a husband. She must also know the rights, entitlements and expectations of a good husband material.

 

A husband that wants to know the joy of having a good wife must understand the nature of women. He must know how to love and cherish a woman into submission. He must be ready to live up to his duties and responsibilities as a good head. He has to be willing to invest substance and value into his woman so as to be able to enjoy respect and honour from and through her.

 

Parents must have a proper understanding of the relationship between them and their children. They have to understand that their children are not an extension of their lives but they are unique and separate individuals in their own right. Being a father or a mother is a privilege given to mentor and be fully involved in the formation process of a human being. The power attached to this responsibility/privilege is enormous. It should not be abused or taken for granted. Rather, it should be cherished and respected, knowing fully well that the relationship you share with your child is not a static one but an evolving relationship, that will keep changing/maturing from time to time, with constant change in the dynamics of the relationship if it is to be a healthy and loving relationship. It's a well informed child that will be dutiful and responsible. And a responsible child need not necessarily be at the beck and call of his/her parents as long as provision is made for those that will be.

 

In an employer/employee relationship, punctuality, respect, accountability, honesty, integrity, honour, responsibility and intelligence is key. So also is a sense of individuality, confidence, conviction and respect for self. For people will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.

 

In every kind of relationship, know the rules and expectations that governs it, so that you will not be frustrated in your relationships. Align yourself with the demands placed on you, place demands on the other party (ies), ensure that your needs are being met as you meet the needs of others for a mutually beneficial relationship.

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!