Is Your Kindness Aiding and Abetting?

Some people while trying to be good friends will unknowingly set themselves up for a prison sentence if they are not careful and mindful of the provision in Section (2) Sub-section (3) and (4) of the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015 which states that a person who incites, aids, abets, or counsels another person to commit an act of violence commits an offence and is liable on conviction to a term of imprisonment not exceeding three (3) years or to a fine not exceeding #200,000 or both.

A person who receives or assists another who, to his knowledge commits an offence (a violent bodily injury/harm on another person) is an accessory after the fact and is liable on conviction to a term of imprisonment not exceeding three (3) years or to a fine not exceeding #200,000 or both.

Hear the town crier's voice people. Advising a friend to beat up his/her wife/husband is now a criminal offence punishable by a prison sentence if convicted. Encouraging your son, brother, uncle, relative to be the man by physically abusing his wife/children is now a crime under the law. Religious leaders that counsel husbands to beat their wives, desist from so doing, for a prison sentence hangs over your head once it can be established that you give such counsel in a court of law.

Anyone that accommodate, house, assist a husband/wife that beats up or maimed his/her wife/husband, with the knowledge of the crime committed by such a husband/wife is guilty of an offence under sub-section 4 of the Act. Anyone that assist an offender from running away from being prosecuted for a crime committed under the provision of this Act shall be liable to go to prison if convicted.

So be mindful of the kinds of friends you keep. The last thing we want to do is to have a husband/wife beater as a friend. Or a violent person generally. Anyone that is prone to physical violence has become a high maintenance friend. Don't become an accessory after the fact for an offensive friend, watch your back!

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

A Slap Makes You A Criminal

Section (2) (1) - (2) of the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015 states that a person who willfully causes or inflicts physical injury on another person by means of any weapon, substance or object, commits an offence and is liable on conviction to a term for imprisonment not exceeding five (5) years or a fine not exceeding One Hundred Thousand (#100,000) or both. 

 

A person who attempts to commit the act of violence provided for above, commits an offence and is liable on conviction to a term of imprisonment not exceeding three (3) years or to a fine not exceeding Two Hundred Thousand Naira (#200,000) or both.

 

In layman's language, what the law above means is that beating, slapping, hitting, bitting, kicking and  committing any kind of vicious bodily harm on another person in your private life (wife, husband, children, relatives) and public life (employees, employers, colleagues, clients, strangers etc) is a crime that can land one in prison if convicted (found guilty) in a court of law.

 

Gone are the days that a husband will claim he is exercising his husbandly right by beating up his wife when he is angry with her. Except such a wife is self-destructive, she is to go to the police station and report the criminal offence committed against her by her husband, and he will be prosecuted by the state. Battered wives and husbands, the law to vindicate you has been passed, it is now left to you to make use of it or not. No one can put a stop to the physical abuse you're going through apart from you. The best the State can do is to pass laws that will protect the rights of its citizens and punish offenders when found guilty of committing an offence. It is the duty of citizens to report perpetrators to the appropriate authorities for the law passed to become effective and serve the purpose for which it was passed; which is to curb the prevalence of crime by punishing offenders.

 

As good citizens, we all have a duty to co-operate and do our part by not allowing sentiments and pressure from stopping us from reporting offenders, no matter who they are; husbands, brothers, uncles, sisters, aunties, friends, etc.

 

The law even says that an attempt to commit the crime of physical violence against another person is punishable under the law!. This means that even if the perpetrator did not succeed in harming the victim, as long as an attempt to do so was made, a crime has been committed. A crime punishable by a prison sentence, fine or both. So abusive individuals/spouses beware! If a person throws a knife at another person and it can be proved that he/she intended to cause bodily harm to that other person, even though the knife did not hit the person, the person who threw the knife will be found guilty of committing an offence under Section 2 Sub-Section 2 of the Act.

 

Join me tomorrow lovely people as I continue sharing the provisions under one of my favourite Nigerian Law, the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015. Lots of love.

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Weapons of Rape

There is a new law in Nigeria that I believe everyone needs to be aware of its provisions.  Ignorance is not an excuse in law. It is therefore wise for us to be abreast of relevant laws that are applicable to our every day relation with other people. The provisions in this new  Act are very radical for they address a lot of issues that were previously unattended to in our laws, thereby making a criminal offence many an act considered acceptable in the past.

The Law I'm referring to is the 'Violence Against Persons ( Prohibition) Act, 2015. I'll be sharing the provisions in this Act with us, creating scenarios that will make these provisions easily understandable in layman's language. Take time to follow as I share the provisions of this wonderful Law with you. Knowledge is power. An informed mind is an asset.  You'll never know when the knowledge you acquire will serve you, your loved ones and people in your life right.

The Violence Against Persons ( Prohibition) Act, 2015 prohibits all forms of violence against person in private and public life, and provides maximum protection and effective remedies for victims and punishment of offenders.

Section 1 ( 1) ( a-c) defines Rape thus- A person commits the offence of rape if he or she intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person with any other part of his or her body or anything else without the consent of that person, or the consent is obtained by force, or means of threat, intimidation of any kind or by fear of harm,  or by means of false and fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or the use of any substance or additive capable of taking away the will of such person, or in the case of a married person, by impersonating his or her spouse.

To interpret these in layman's language, it is not only when a man penetrates a woman's vagina with his sexual organ without her consent that he is guilty of raping her, it is also rape when he uses other parts of his body like finger, big toes, tongue, etc to penetrate her vagina. It is rape even if he uses objects like stick, fruits etc to violate her. The definition of rape had been extended to include these things because victims violated in the past with these things could not be said to have been raped since the law's definition of rape mentioned only sexual organs. But with this new law, such victims can get justice in a court of law as victims of rape.

Also, consent given out of force, coercion, threat, false representation ( e.g telling a minor that sticking a carrot in her vagina is not a sexual act), fraudulent representation (e.g telling a girl that if you have sex with her, she will be cured of menstrual pain), fear of harm, the use of alcohol, drugs and other harmful substance  and so on. Impersonating (that is pretending to be) the husband or wife of someone and having sex with him/her while doing so is a criminal offence of rape.

Consent given in all the circumstances listed above is no consent under the law. It is considered to be taking undue advantage of the victim involved. We can all see that the crime of rape is much more than when the victim did not give consent. Consent fraudulently got qualifies as rape through the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015.

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

No Limit!

There is no limit to what we can be, the height we can attain, the achievement of our dreams, the opportunities in life, and the potentials within us. The limitation we experience is in our mind. If we can remove every form of limitation from our minds by believing that nothing is impossible for us to do if we are meant to do it,  we'll see all impossibilities becoming possible in our lives. There is nothing impossible if we can believe. There is no one beyond reach, no goal is untainable. No desire is unachievable. No dream is too big, too late, too small, too hard.
 Remove every self-imposed limitation you've placed over your life. Don't say what you want is not worth the effort of bringing it to pass. Don't say fighting for your wellbeing and future is impossible. Who says it's impossible? Because it will be difficult does not mean it cannot be done. You can start all over again if necessary. You can insist on what is right in your relationship/marriage till it's done. You can change that adverse situation you've in. It's not too late. It's not impossible. If there is a will, there is a way.
 Nothing is impossible for those who believe. You must believe that you deserve to be happy. You must believe you deserve to live a decent life. You deserve the enjoyment of your human rights. When you believe all these and more, it becomes possible for you to go all out and do your part in ensuring you enjoy these rights and impossibility becomes a limitation you cannot afford. You remove the very existence of the word and its meaning in your life. As a man thinks, so is he. Remove all mental limitations in your mind, and you'll see your self soaring and your dreams coming to fruition.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

When there is Life, there is Hope.

 A lot of times as human beings,  we get upset when things don't turn out as we expect, or when we expect or in the circumstances we expect. We want what we want,  when we want it and with whom we want it. We feel secured only when things go our way. But the truth is that everything cannot go our way. We cannot always have what we want and the ability to handle this truth and accept it will go a long way in helping us to maximise the opportunities in every situation we find yourself.
 For clarification, I am not saying we cannot have what we want, I'm saying we cannot ALWAYS do. And when we get to have what we want, we do not have the power to control the how and when and where of it. We've got to trust the process, pick our battles and stay positive.
 It is not healthy to see your life and situation in a negative light. Every disappointment is a blessing. Delay is not denial. Stop seeing the delay of a need or blessing as bad. There is a right time for everything in your life. And everything is made beautiful at the right time. Be patient, be positive, be full of hope! When there is life, there is hope!
 While waiting for a blessing, don't fold your hands. Keep working, keep living, keep making impact. Enjoy your life. Be a source of joy to people around you. Never look down on yourself. Don't allow anyone to steal your peace. Stay focused. Do your part, and all will be well.
 See life's challenges as a stepping stone to your greatness and fulfilment in life. What you are going through presently is not a mistake. There is a good reason/purpose for your pain. No pain, no gain. Your future is bright. For every pain and shame you suffer, you shall have double joy.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!

Abusers Are Habitual Liars.

 

If you are involved with an abusive person, you must learn and master how to process his/her speech rightly. The truth of an abuser is more often than not a lie. The aim of an abuser is to destroy, damage, deceive, control, manipulate and oppress the person he/she is abusing. To be able to do all these, he/she must get that person ( the victim) to believe his/her lies. So the abuser attacks the self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and dignity of the abused, through derogatory words and actions.

 

Gradually chipping away the victim's emotional and mental health. The abuser makes the abused feel like a nobody (irrelevant, useless, unworthy, unattractive),a liability and a hang on. In no time, the abused starts feeling that the abuser is doing him/her a huge favour by managing him/her as a partner. The abused becomes totally dependant on the abuser, having been stripped of his/her individuality, faith in self and all healthy feelings for self. That is when a victim starts rationalising the abuse, holding him or her self responsible for the vicious attacks the abuser constantly unleash. The victim becomes a willing captive that takes up the blame for the abuse. He or she has been conditioned overtime (without being aware of it) to believe that he/she deserves to be ill-treated and abused.

 

But with time, through relationship with other people, or  by re- connecting  with someone from the past, a victim becomes aware of the drastic negative change that had occurred in him or her which usually prompt a self re-evaluation and assessment.

 

It will serve a victim well while trying to sort out issues,  to believe the opposite of whatever the abuser say about his/her person. If the abuser say that you are ugly,  he or she is saying you are handsome/beautiful. If the abuser says you are worthless and useless, he or she is saying that you are priceless and deserves better. If the abuser says "you cannot make it without me", he or she actually means "You can do without me and I'm scared of that fact."

 

Being able to see through an abuser's lies will help a victim to know the truth and be empowered by the truth. Stop believing the lies of an abuser. You are an asset and a world changer.

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Enjoying Your Man

Men are brought up to be the head of their home. It is drummed into them from childhood that they are to lead their wife and children. They are to be in charge and in control of the wife and children. They have the final say over the home. They have been elected by God for this post and all human that fights this election fights a lost battle.
 Personally I celebrate this truth. I respect and honour the post of headship given to a man over his family. It is the way it is, it is the way it should be. Call me old fashion, it is what it is. Any woman that wants to have a true man in her life will have to accept and celebrate this truth. When I say a true man, I mean a man in every sense of the word. A responsible male who knows and understand his role, purpose and placement with regards to his home.
 However, I cannot but be disgusted when I see irresponsible men who have no understanding or respect for their position as the head of the home. Men who abuse, use, feed off, maltreat, violate, manipulate, embarrass, denies, incapacitate, dehumanize, desert and damage their wives with the power they have as the head of the home.
 On the other hand, no woman will enjoy her life if she takes over the man's place as the head of the home by default. For whatever reason, a woman that takes over the role of the head of her home when her husband is alive and well is undertaking a thankless job. Everyone and everything will be against her. The husband, the children, the in-laws, her family, the society, etc. Even if she did so because the man fails to step up to his responsibilities,  she will still be blamed. So a woman must allow her husband to be the head of the home. Don't even try to unsurp his position.
 The only legitimate thing a woman have a right to do if her husband is not responsible or good to her and the children (as the head of the home) is to leave him, and not dethrone him as the head of the home while there is a home.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!

Abuse destroys Natural Affection between A Man and his Woman

No matter how strong the love between two people are, the moment one or the two of them becomes abusive, the quality of their relationship takes a downward spiral.  There is a natural affection between two people in love, between two people in friendship and people married to one another. Tgis affection is greatly compromised by abuse.

 

There is no way the natural affection between a man and his woman will be preserved if the man or woman is an abuser. Except they fake it, how can one truly stay in love with a person that subjects one to pain, shame, harm and injuries on a constant basis? How can one even want intimacy with such a person?  Is it not that victims pretend and endure the presence, touch and person of their abuser? For peace sake.

 

If you want your partner to love you truly, stop being abusive. If you want the natural affection between you to be preserved, don't abuse one another.

Be it physical, emotional, psychological, financial, mental, spiritual, sexual and all other kinds of abuse. DON'T DO IT! or STOP IT!

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Proofs follows Conviction

It is not enough to say with our mouths that we stand against abuse, we must be willing and ready to a align our actions with our words. Is it not deception when we say we have zero tolerance for abuse, yet we look the other way when we see victims of abuse seeking our help to leave an abusive environment?

 

Is it not hypocrisy when our loved ones are abusing their family and we fail to call them to order? Are we not deluding ourselves when we are either being abused or we are abusive towards others and we pretend as if all is well?

 

If we whole heartedly believe that abuse is wrong, that it is a crime against God and humanity, then, we should live out our conviction. We should not exempt anyone from the duty of being fair and just to their fellow human beings, not even ourselves.

 

It is when we do this that we can say for a fact that we do indeed have zero tolerance for abuse; not when we cry out in outrage against an abusive act of a random stranger.

 

This is a call for action, and I speak to all of us, including myself. We have a duty to constantly check for abuse in our lives, the lives of our loved ones and those that live around us. We have a duty to speak out against abuse whenever we see it. Even if we cannot actively put a stop to it, speaking out against it goes a long way in curbing the perpetrators and in giving courage to the abused.

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Zero Tolerance for Abuse and Self Love

What does having zero tolerance for abuse mean? It means not being able to condone abuse in one's life or in the lives of other people. It means not being abusive towards yourself or other people. It means standing against every form of abuse in words, actions, and deeds.
 It means going out of your way to put a stop to abuse whenever you are in a position to do so. It means not minding people's criticism when they accuse you of interference. It means not minding the inconvenience occasioned by your selfless acts of service to stop abuse and save victims of abuse.
 It means turning your back to and disowning anyone that stands against the struggle for an abuse free world, no matter who or what they are to you. It means adopting total strangers as friends and family because they share your convictions and fight with you to birth a positive change in the world.
 It means dying to selfish desires, sentiments, manipulative love and attachments. It means heeding the call to serve the good for all humanity.  You might think you do not count and your actions does not matter but this is far from the truth. You count, and your actions matter.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Stop giving men money

Men by nature are very territorial, with a high sense of pride in their roles as provider, protector and head. Strongly tied to their identity is the performance of these roles.  A woman that wants the love and respect of her man must always keep this truth in mind while dealing with issues that affects the performance of these roles.

A lot of women love their men wrongly. They love him to death. Or to put it in a better way, they love his love for them out of him.  What do I mean? I'll explain myself. There is nothing wrong in loving your man. Nothing wrong in helping him financially. Nothing wrong in giving to him, as long as you do this with understanding.

If you are in a position to assist your man financially, instead of giving him fish, teach him how to fish and link him to the pond where to fish. Empower him to be the man God created him to be and let him find himself in the process. Don't keep handing him fish, feeding his hunger but stripping him of his dignity and pride in the process.  He will not love you for this but will resent you.  If you continue doing the same thing over a long period of time, his resentment will turn into hatred.

Also, don't take up his responsibilities at home and expect him to be grateful and appreciative. You are practically taking over his identity and you expect him to be happy? He cannot be. All the love, regards,  appreciation, and privileges attached to these duties goes to you instead of to him, how can you expect him to be okay with that? If you are in his shoes, would you be? You remove the balls of your man when you take over his duties because he is not financially capable.

Instead of doing that, support him to be able to earn more. Empower him. Invest into his business, work, endeavours, skills etc. Then let him use the money he makes from his sweat/efforts to take care of you and the children. He will appreciate and love you for helping him to be able to do this. Except if he is not a good man.

Love with knowledge women. Stop feeding your husbands. Help them to be able to feed themselves and the family. That is the help men will appreciate, love and reward.

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Don't Compare Yourself To Someone Else

We are all different and unique from one another. While we may share some common denominators, there are also things that set us apart from each and every person. A matured mind knows the importance of celebrating individual uniqueness/differences in people.
 There are people that are good at working under other people, while some do best when they are independent. Some are good team mates while some are lone rangers. Some are extroverts while some are introverts, and some are in between.
 I believe that everyone has something wonderful to contribute to the world. Deposited in us are gifts and talents we can bless the world with, as long as we do not look down on those gifts or ourselves. Don't allow anyone to despise you or what you have to offer, no matter how irrelevant that talent, gift, ability might seem to be.
 It is essential that you believe in yourself and your gift (s) before it can amount to anything. Whatever your gifts are, be it singing, dancing, peace-making, organizing, marketung, networking, cooking, writing, office work, field work, research, public speaking, teaching, care giving, etc; be good at it, know your efforts counts, you matter, so give it your best.
 As human beings, we tend to place more value and worth on money and prestige more than fulfilment and purpose. The happiest people are those that have discovered their purpose in life. Once your life is adding value to you and others, you are an asset. Even if you are not rich. Even if you are not where you wish to be. It's a matter of time. Stop comparing your life with the lives of other people. Face your destiny, give your best and you'll get to be among the best.
 Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured! 

Rules Of Relationship

All relationships have rules and expectations guiding them. To excel in a particular relationship and  also enjoy all the entitlements due to you in it, you must know and understand the rules guiding that type of relationship. 

 

A wife that wants to enjoy the joy of a good husband must understand men and know how to bring out the best in her man. She must have a sound understanding of the duties, roles and responsibilities of a husband. She must also know the rights, entitlements and expectations of a good husband material.

 

A husband that wants to know the joy of having a good wife must understand the nature of women. He must know how to love and cherish a woman into submission. He must be ready to live up to his duties and responsibilities as a good head. He has to be willing to invest substance and value into his woman so as to be able to enjoy respect and honour from and through her.

 

Parents must have a proper understanding of the relationship between them and their children. They have to understand that their children are not an extension of their lives but they are unique and separate individuals in their own right. Being a father or a mother is a privilege given to mentor and be fully involved in the formation process of a human being. The power attached to this responsibility/privilege is enormous. It should not be abused or taken for granted. Rather, it should be cherished and respected, knowing fully well that the relationship you share with your child is not a static one but an evolving relationship, that will keep changing/maturing from time to time, with constant change in the dynamics of the relationship if it is to be a healthy and loving relationship. It's a well informed child that will be dutiful and responsible. And a responsible child need not necessarily be at the beck and call of his/her parents as long as provision is made for those that will be.

 

In an employer/employee relationship, punctuality, respect, accountability, honesty, integrity, honour, responsibility and intelligence is key. So also is a sense of individuality, confidence, conviction and respect for self. For people will treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.

 

In every kind of relationship, know the rules and expectations that governs it, so that you will not be frustrated in your relationships. Align yourself with the demands placed on you, place demands on the other party (ies), ensure that your needs are being met as you meet the needs of others for a mutually beneficial relationship.

 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!