I had an interesting discussion with a lovely woman on my
group on Facebook about submission. In the course of the discussion, I
stated that a man/woman married to an abusive woman/man who fails to
walk in love with him/her is freed from the duty of submitting to
his/her wife/husband as the case may be. I said that is the only way
such a victim will be able to survive. But my friend has a contrary opinion. She is of the opinion
that despite a wife's or husband's abusive actions, no matter how
harmful and destructive those actions might be, the man/woman must
submit to his/her partner in the marriage. After going back and forth
for a while, we had to agree to disagree.
But I lost my peace thereafter. I was gripped with sorrow
for men/women that have found themselves in the difficult situation of
an abusive union, but aren't doing anything to protect themselves from
harm because they believe God expects them to submit in marriage. They are ignorant of the spirit behind every word of God.
They take the word of God verbatim, encouraged by religious bigots and
hypocrites. They fail to have a personal relationship with the Creator,
so as to have a clear understanding of who God is and His stand on
issues. They are filled with a false sense of spirituality and
martyrdom. They are carrying the cross of abuse and domestic violence by
submitting to their tormentor/partner. Just like Jesus did.
Wake up people! How long are we going to keep brainwashing
ourselves? How much more can we take? Seeing that the next generation is looking to us for guidance. How long will we continue consoling
ourselves with lies, false hopes and misinterpreted scriptures? I was
there, I've been there and I'm delivered. Don't think I'm talking from a
place of judgement/condemnation. Far from it. I speak the bitter truth
from a heart full of love and empathy. Patriarchal minded people demand that women should submit
to and condone oppression, repression, manipulation, violence and abuse. The dictionary meaning of submission is "the action of
accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of
another person", "a voluntary attitude of giving in, of co-operating,
of sharing a burden". Words that can be substituted for submission are
yield, capitulate, agree, accept, consent, comply.
Now that we have defined submission, the questions we are to
ask ourselves are "should a person married to an abusive person submit
to their abusive actions?" "Will that not be self destructive?" "Is it
reasonable, just, fair or kind to demand it of anyone?" "Will you submit
to a person on a mission to destroy your being?" "Is this the intention
of God when He asked that people should submit to one another in
marriage?" For better understanding of of the questions asked, allow me
to paint some real life scenarios.
A woman who knows that she is married to the "community
penis", who has infected her with STDs in the past, and is aware that
her husband does not practice safe sex outside marriage, decides
that her husband should be using condoms anytime they're to have sex.
But the man refused, insisting on sleeping with her without protection.
Should the wife submit to him?
Should a woman submit to an unfaithful husband when he beats her constantly, striping her naked in front of her children? Should a person agree/submit to degrading treatments and
humiliation that remove dignity and respect from his/her person? Should
he/she consent to the violation of his/her human rights/entitlements? Should anybody agree/submit to the mismanagement of his/her life/destiny by an abusive, unremorseful partner?
Is it right to demand that a human being like ourselves
should accept hunger, lack, torture and violence from his/her partner in
marriage? Are victims expected to agree/consent/submit to the
destruction of their life dreams by a betrayer? Does it serve justice and good conscience any good when a
wife is forced to submit to an abusive husband that damages and abuses her
children? Is this the will of God when He made the man the head of
his woman? Was this the purpose of God when He instructed women to
submit to their husbands? Are the men not supposed to submit to the
command to love their wives too? If the men refuse to love, have such
men not lost the right to the submission of their wives? Or what
purpose will their submission serve but to destroy all involved?
I stand on what I said at the beginning of this write up.
When one partner in marriage is abusive, the other partner (the victim)
is released from the obligation to submit/agree/consent to the wrong
actions/instructions/deeds of the perpetrator of abuse. Is it the will of God for a person in an abusive marriage
to do nothing to save himself/herself? No. That is not the will of God. My personal knowledge of God makes me know that God is
against injustice and every form of evil. He will always be behind the
victims, and always be against the abusers. Everyone should too.
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