From time immemorial, all kinds of efforts were made to deny women sexual pleasure and satisfaction through sex like their male counterparts. These efforts were made by men and women governed by patriarchy. They bear the patriarchal mentality that women if women are allowed to enjoy sex, they will be promiscuous. With this erroneous mind set, they violate and damage the body of their girl child through female genital mutilation (FGM). This is the process where the pleasure giving part of the female sexual organ (clitoris) is partially or completely cut off. In some cases, the labia majora (this is the flesh around the opening of the vagina) is also removed.
This procedure makes sex extremely painful for the girls and most of them lose the ability to climax during sexual relations.
After years of campaigns and awareness programmes about the dangers and human rights violation in female genital mutilation by human rights activists, the procedure was banned and made illegal by governments all over the world
It's saddening, however, that though the physical act that denies women sexual pleasure has been banned, the mentality behind it is still very much in operation. Though women bodies are no longer imprisoned and controlled by F.G.M, men that maintain the patriarchal mentality continue to deny, violate and abuse their female partners by not satisfying their sexual needs. They believe women are not meant to enjoy sex, are created to see to the sexual needs of their men and doing that is all the satisfaction they are entitled to. They believe a man is not obligated to pleasure his woman in bed, he has already done her a favour by marrying her after all.
Of course, it's not that such men say all these verbally (at least I hope not), they say it with actions, attitudes, body language and facial expressions. Such men will do nothing in bed to please their woman. All they do is thrust, which is done without skill or care. All they do in bed is only for their pleasure. They make no effort towards personal hygiene. They expect the woman to enjoy their bad breath kiss, unwashed and sweaty body and private parts. All appeal by the woman that they clean up and care for her comfort falls on deaf ears. Some even get angry and vindictive anytime the woman tries to air her complaints. They'll stop having sexual relation with her for months until she begs out of fear and desperation. Even though they are disgusted by the man, in bed, and derive no pleasure in being with him, their sense of duty and responsible as a wife drives them to sacrifice their feelings for peace.
Women married to these kind of men are treated as if their sexual need is a "sin", they are made to feel they are wayward and dirty. As if their natural need is wrong and unnatural. Most of the women that put up with this abuse for long are innocent, naive and inexperienced women. The more exposed women are able to detect the abuse early and put a stop to it. The less informed ones endure the abuse for a long time, leaving them unhappy, frustrated, with very low self esteem. Sex becomes a chore, a duty to perform without emotion. They are raped day in day out by the man that promised to love and cherish them all his life. Their bodies are violated, used and disrespected by a man that treats them like a sexual object. To add insult to injury, it is such men that cry around town telling anyone that cares to listen that they don't enjoy sex with their wives because she just lies down like a log of wood. They will however not add to their complaint that she got that way after years of satisfying the sexual need of a selfish man that refused to return the favour.
If a woman is not meant to enjoy sex, the clitoris wouldn't have been in her body. Women are entitled to sexual satisfaction just like men. It is their human right, and enjoying sex does not make a woman weird, except it makes men weird too. Women suffer a lot when their men fail to make efforts to learn how to pleasure them. Some of such women have been forced to engage in illicit affairs because of the selfishness of the man they married. While I do not support such action, I very well empathize with such women. Some had to resort to pleasuring themselves with their hands and fingers (which is demoralizing for those that wouldn't do that if given a choice) just to ease their frustration and make their ordeal bearable. They do this while the irresponsible husband snores in satisfaction after having his way with them.
Some women secretly purchase sex toys to take the edge off their yearning. And to the world, such a woman is seen as having a husband when she doesn't really. A man reduces the status of his wife to that of a prostitute when he sleeps with her without being mindful of her sexual needs too. In fact, he reduces her to less than a prostitute. For a prostitute at least gets paid for her services. Some even get to climax once or twice when they are fortunate enough to fall into the hands of a real man.
A real man sees to the sexual needs of his woman. If he doesn't know how to, he learns, he reads, he allows feedback from her, he welcomes her requests in bed. For meeting that need is a prerequisite to his being a true husband indeed.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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