We have to understand that anything in existence in our relationship/marriage is there because we have allowed it. It might be a conscious allowance or an unconscious one, the truth is nothing can exist if we have disallowed it. Now, please don't get me wrong. I am fully aware that there are times a person in a relationship/marriage might try to impose something on the other partner in the relationship/marriage. But the imposing partner cannot succeed until the other partner allows that thing to stand. There can be three outcomes from a situation.
A partner can accept and allow whatever is being imposed on him/her by the imposing partner. Or he/she can refuse to accept/allow whatever the imposing partner is trying to force on him/her (which might result in the two parties going their separate ways), and the third is, the imposing partner can give in to the resistance of the other partner and desist from imposing his/her will on him/her.
Every human being has the power of free will. The power to say no to any contrary or adverse thing we do not want in our lives, no matter the source it comes from. It's unfortunate that most people have been cultured to submit their free will to other people while growing up in a patriarchal society. When such individuals grow into adults, they find it difficult to exercise their free will, even in the face of abuse and personal harm. They condone abuse and violence not because they want to, but because they are used to not playing an active role in the management and control of their lives. They are used to accepting the control and dominance of other people, even when those people subject them to inhuman and degrading treatments.
Instead of taking control of their lives and say no to abuse, they make erroneous compromises in a bid to appease their tormentor so as to put a stop to the abuse they suffer each and every day. They compromise their integrity, honour, principles, beliefs and dreams just to please their abusive partners. Some even compromise the welfare of their children. They have been stripped of the will to protest after having been subjected to abuse for a long period of time. When their abuser starts abusing the children, they just look the other way out of helplessness.
How can we sincerely expect someone that has been denied the right to fight for him/herself to fight for someone else, even if that person is his/her own flesh and blood? Can a dead and withered tree bear fruits again? Even if it does, can the fruits be any good? That is exactly how it is when a society destroys abused victims by demanding that they stay in an abusive relationship, and still expect such victims to live a fruitful life, expect the children that lived through the abuse/violation of a parent to be healthy and balanced and expect to preserve the sanity of the marriage institution. That is just not possible. We cannot keep sweeping the justifiable complaints of domestic violence victims under the carpet, shutting them up with cultural and religious jargons and expect the problems to just fly away.
We must as a society decide whether we truly hold dear the marriage institution enough to fight for its success by not applying double standards on men and women in marriage, judge couples based on good conscience and justice and allow victims to exercise their right to life. Because, if we refuse to address the problem of violence in marriage as a people, it will not stop victims from shunning the society and save their lives. It will only encourage more people to become abusive.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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