I find it unfortunate when I witness some people that are fortunate to get married to decent and responsible partners stand in judgement of people that got married to abusive and irresponsible spouses.
This is because it's a fact that they didn't get their
responsible partners by their actions or inaction. It wasn't the fact
that they are smart, beautiful, decent, educated, a virgin, industrious, God fearing or from a good family that got them these responsible
partners. Most of them believe it's those things but I beg to disagree. Some of these people say things like:
"I got a good
husband because I didn't sleep around when I was single, you got an
irresponsible man because of your loose ways while single".
"I got a
successful man because I was a bookworm in school, I automatically
attracted studious men and choose one, you got a loser because you
weren't serious with your academics".
"I got a husband from a great
family because I'm equally from a very good family, it's your
dysfunctional family background that made your marriage fail".
"I got a
responsible man because I take no nonsense, my man knows better than to
misbehave, yours treated you badly because you didn't set healthy
boundaries".
"I'm very prayerful, submissive and dutiful to my husband,
I'm sure you weren't all those things, that's why your husband abused
you", and so on.
I have news for people that believe they have it good
because of things they did or didn't do. That reasoning is not true. It
is presumptuous and deceptive. While those things might have indeed contributed to the stability and quality of a relationship, they do not guarantee in
anyway the outcome or success of it. For there are lots of people whose
marriages failed that did the things people in successful marriages did
and that didn't stop the marriage from failing. Lots that didn't do all
the things people that have a healthy marriage didn't do and more, yet, their marriages were horrible.
Life is a mystery. There are many things in life that we'll
not be able to understand or give explanation for until we meet God.
Trying to explain everything based on our understanding and experience
is a human shortcoming. It takes an open minded, humble and wise person
to understand that nothing is really certain in life, no one is in
complete control of the happenings in his/her life, there will always be
unexplainable occurrences in life. Life is not a straight jacket.
So if you have it good and all you did and didn't do worked
out well for you, enjoy and be grateful. Don't be cocky or boastful
that it's your doing. Be very careful in passing judgements and blame on less
fortunate people. The downfall of a man is not the end of his/her life.
Some of them are down to help others up, not because they did something
to get there or didn't do something not to get there.
I understood all these through my life. I am a smart,
intelligent, beautiful, God-fearing, decent virgin that got married and
was submissive, loving and dutiful to the man I married. However, my
attributes and qualities did not prevent the marriage from being
abusive, it definitely didn't stop the marriage from breaking up.
On the other hand, I know a lot of my friends with these
attributes and qualities that are happily married. I also know
ladies that make the word "bad" an understatement, yet they are in
healthy and happy marriages. While friends they did escapades with are
either divorced or unable to find a man to marry them. Whatever the challenge or success we experience in life,
our attitude to it is important to its outcome and not our explanation
for it.
We exhibit ignorance when we are judgmental. We also expose ourselves to the probability of being put to the same test.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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