HOSEI WOMEN - TAKE YOUR LIFE IN YOUR HANDS (PART 2)

After the eye opening and humiliating experience with my ex on the issue of money, I decided to take responsibility for my life and live like a person without a husband. I made up my mind never to put myself in a position where I will be desperate for basic needs. To be able to do this, I knew two things for sure towards the end of my service year. The first was that I had to put on temporary hold my legal career. I couldn't continue with it because the ten thousand naira (#10,000) salary I was earning wouldn't be able to sustain me for a month since the allowance from NYSC was going to stop after my service year. There was no hope for increment in salary at that time, and being freshly called to the Nigerian Bar, I had no personal client. So my desire for survival prevailed over my desire for career development. I had to be realistic and step up to the task of ensuring a decent life for myself. I encouraged myself by pointing out the fact that before I got married I was living well, so if the man I got married to decides not to fulfill his duty towards me, I will not fail in my duty towards myself. 

The second thing I knew was that I had to go back into the business of buying and selling. I knew I was good at it and it's suitable because I'll get to have money to take care of myself on a daily basis. I was too ashamed to disclose to my mum what I was going through in my marriage. She was in London and I knew my situation would have devastated her, so I decided not to confide in her. My siblings were all younger than me, apart from my older sister and like my mum, I didn't want to burden her with my problems. The one person I knew would have been able to make a difference was my dad and he was long dead at this time. So I spoke some sense into myself and my survival instinct took over. 

I decided to go into bulk recharge cards sale. I got the commitment of an acquaintance to supply me with recharge cards in bulk on credit and I was to pay back after selling the cards to retailers. The acquaintance was a manager for an MTN distributor. I started saving an amount out of my salary and when it was two months to the end of my service year,I discovered that I didn't have enough money to start the business. I asked my ex for money having told him my plans, he didn't have money, as usual. I asked my mum for a loan and she sent the money to me. I couldn't afford the rent for a shop in the area we lived at, for we were living in one of the elite estates in Ibadan. I got a free space on the roadside close to the main road at a very strategic location for a cheap annual rent. I made plans to construct a big container to use as an office. Since my ex had a friend that makes containers, I asked him for his friend's number. I called the man in his presence and asked for the estimate of making the size of the container I wanted. The man called a day later asking for a hundred thousand naira. We negotiated the price to seventy thousand naira. The day I was to pay the man, I called him in the presence of my ex  (I wanted him to be my witness in case of any dispute with the man in future), we fixed an appointment to meet at a close by eatery. He came and I gave him the seventy thousand naira. We agreed that he would deliver the container within three weeks. When the time to deliver came, I didn't hear from him. Initially, after the three weeks agreement, whenever I call to enquire about the container, he always came up with all kinds of excuses but when I threatened to have him arrested, he stopped picking my calls.

I was frantic. I was about to pass out from my service year and I needed the container to be in place, furnished and ready before that time. I reported the man to my ex and was surprised when he said I should not involve him in the matter. After seven weeks and I didn't hear from the man, I decided to report the matter at a police station. I knew the guy wanted to defraud me and I couldn't allow that. Though he is a friend to my ex, I had enough to deal with from my ex than to add taking rubbish from his friends too. The man's brother was arrested because we didn't meet him when the police got to his office. The police officer left a message for him to come over to the station to bail his brother. He came and when asked why he failed to deliver my container, I was shocked to the marrow by his reply. He claimed that on the day I paid him the money for the container, my ex called him before he came to meet with me at the eatery and asked him to borrow him the money I'll be giving to him. He claimed he needed the money for business but I collected it from him by force that morning. According to him, my ex promised to pay back the money in less than a week and he believed him. The man started work on the container using the materials he had on ground but when my ex failed to pay back, he couldn't complete the work on the container. The policeman called my ex to confirm the man's story. He put the phone on speaker so that we could all hear his reply. On picking the phone, my ex confirmed the man's story, saying confidently that he was the one that gave me the money and he needed it for something else, so he collected the money from his friend. He told the officer to ignore me. That I was just being a foolish woman. He asked the officer to hand over the phone to me. Unknown to my ex, the phone was on speaker, he rained curses on me. Calling me all sorts of names. At the end of his tantrum, he instructed me to withdraw the case at the station. I was embarrassed. 

When I got off the phone, the officer looked at me and asked me to go home. Like a dream, the demeanor and countenance of the police officer has changed. The next thing I knew, I was informed that the man was innocent and that they are releasing both the man and his brother. I was informed that the matter is a domestic issue so I should go and settle it at home with my husband. I was shocked on many counts. I was shocked that my ex could be that wicked and dubious. He refused to support my efforts to take care of myself when he failed to perform his responsibilities and was intentionally sabotaging my efforts to save myself from hunger and lack. 

I was more shocked at the man that gave the contractual consideration in a business agreement to another person (even if the person happens to be the husband of his client) without informing the client. Then I was most shocked by the police officer's change of attitude on hearing the "facts" of the case. He became a patriarchal man within a twinkle of an eye. Saying a business agreement has become a domestic matter just because the fraudster happened to be the husband of the complainant. I started stating the position of the law on breach of contract and the officer's duty to be an officer of justice, but all my smartness achieved was to make the policeman defensive and offended. I was shattered. I knew my ex would never return the money to me. I couldn't go back to my mum to ask for more money because I didn't want her to know what was going on. If I used the money left on me to pay for another container, there would be nothing left to put finishing touches to the container and I'll be back to square one. I knew my law degree couldn't help me in that situation because from the time he spoke with my ex, all I was to the policeman was "a woman".  I sat on the bench in the police station and wept bitterly. Everyone ignored me and I saw the police officer filling the bail bonds for the release of the man and his brother. I burst into fresh tears, pulling at my hair in total despair. 

Then I remembered who I am. I remembered that I am a woman. I remembered the power the Creator has put into me when I was being created. I remembered I have the ability to save, deliver, give life and never give up. I rose from my seat of oppression, wiped the tears of betrayal away from my face, walked confidently over to the counter of the police station and requested to see the Divisional Police Officer (DPO) in charge of the station. The officer I addressed tried to tell me off but when he saw the look on my face, he quickly directed me to his boss's office. The DPO looked at my puffy red eyes and asked what the problem was. I didn't bother talking law with him. I approached him as a father and he welcomed me as a daughter. I told him the problem that brought me to the station, including facts about my abusive marriage. I asked for his help letting him know that if he doesn't help me, he is joining forces with my abuser to condemn me to a life of shame and agony. The DPO rose in anger from his seat, asked me to sit down like the royalty that I am, offered me a drink which I declined and called for the officer in charge of my case. After dressing down the officer in my presence, he instructed him to detain the man I gave money to construct the container until he is willing to write an undertaking that he will finish up the container and deliver it to me in two days! That was how the DPO delivered me from suffering a great injustice. It's because of men like him, that I know decency and integrity is a personality, not a gender issue. 

My ex did not come home for weeks after the incidence. The man that did the container got elderly people involved and was able to collect the money back from my ex. That really angered him, he even went to vandalize some part of the container after it was delivered to me. But I didn't care. I got my container and could earn money to eradicate hunger and lack from my life. 

Woman, you are not helpless. There is power to change your situation and save your life in you. I know you never thought you'll find yourself in the situation you're in. I know you're stripped, damaged and destroyed daily by the abuse you're subjected to. Stop the pity party, stop the denials and fight for your life. Remember you're not being disloyal by doing right by yourself, your partner failed you.

Man, you have to be strong and stand against the abuse and manipulation of your wife. If she refused to do the right thing, you must. 

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!