HOSEI WOMEN - PATRIARCHY (CONTINUED)

Most people in a patriarchal culture believe that romantic love makes people unaware, render them powerless and out of control. This notion of love serves the interests of patriarchal men and women. It supports the belief that one can do anything in the name of love: beat other people, intimidate and control them, restrict their movements, even kill them and call it a "crime of passion". Some people claim to be abusing their spouse because they love them.

I find this disgusting act of sugar-coating crime and wickedness in the name of love completely disgraceful and unacceptable. Love in patriarchal culture is linked to notions of possession, paradigms of domination and submission where one party gives love and the other partner receives it. Women being in touch with caring emotions are to give men love and in return, men will provide and protect the women. However, in many cases, men do not respond to care; instead they are tyrants who use their power unjustly to coerce and control. A lot of women end up feeling betrayed by the promise of love and living happily ever after when they enter marriages with men who swiftly transform themselves from charming princes into patriarchal lords of the manor.

Any relationship based on patriarchal values will end up becoming abusive, for people (male or female) with patriarchal mentality use love to subdue and subordinate. I believe love and falling in love is not the problem. The problem is the patriarchal misguided assumptions of love. That is what needs to be challenged and resisted vehemently. We need to have a liberatory vision of love, where both men and women value the importance and value of love. Where both males and females respect the free-will of one another, convince instead of using coercion/force. Where we respect boundaries, allow freedom of expression and speech. Where we continually strive to earn the love and affection of our partners instead of of becoming nonchalant, obnoxious and unloving.

Love can never take root in a relationship/marriage based on domination and coercion/force. Feminist thinking and practice emphasize the value of mutual growth and self-actualization in relationships/marriage and in parenting. The feminist vision of relationship/marriage is one where everyone's needs are respected. Where everyone has rights, where no one needs to fear subordination or abuse. This runs contrary to everything patriarchy upholds about the structure of relationship/marriage. Most of us have experienced or will experience male domination in our intimate private lives in relation to male parental caregivers, fathers, brothers, or in romantic relationships.

In reality, the emotional well being of women and men would be enhanced if both parties embrace feminist thinking and practice. A genuine feminist politics always bring us from bondage to freedom, from hatred to loving. Mutual partnership in a relationship/marriage is the foundation of love. When we acknowledge and accept that true love is rooted in shared care, responsibility, commitment and knowledge, we understand there can be no love without justice. With this awareness comes the understanding that love has the power to transform us, giving us the strength to oppose and resist domination.

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!