There is one major endearing trait in men that make women have a sense of security and safety when they are around. And that is men's protectiveness towards women. Whether a man knows a woman or not, there is always an instinctive reaction of protection towards her when they see that she is in trouble. I have seen a man fight another guy because the later was harassing a lady. Such is the strength of men's sense of responsibility and protection.
Men can be fiercely protective of their mothers, sisters, cousins, daughters, nieces, female friends and even to female strangers. They can kill to protect their loved ones from harm, especially from abuse in the hands of other men. So it was a rude shock the first time I saw some men acting contrary to this innate protective reaction.
The incidence happened on my way to work some years back. I saw a man slapping a pretty young woman and I was furious. Before I could express my displeasure, I suddenly noticed that the few men around were already approaching the man in anger. I was happy and reassured of their presence and reaction. I drew closer, hoping to see the abusive man beaten up by the good Samaritan men. Just as the nearest man raised his hand to hit the man that slapped the woman, the abusive man shouted that the woman he slapped is his wife. I laughed within me in disdain, saying to myself "see coward, he is trying to avoid pain so what does it matter if she is your wife? Does that give you the right to abuse her? Better men than you will teach you the lesson of your life".
However, to my shock and utmost disbelief, I saw the men that were angry and ready to draw blood a few seconds ago, turning back with a resigned look on their faces. I didn't understand what made them leave. I initially thought maybe law enforcement officers were around, but then I couldn't spot any. I looked at the man that hit the pretty woman and I noticed that he was dragging her away while hitting her at the same time.
I frantically approached one of the men to make inquiries. I greeted him and asked why everyone left the girl at the mercy of the abusive man, that I thought they were going to save her. The man looked at me funnily and asked me if I didn't hear what the abusive man said when they tried to help the woman. I said I heard, that he said the woman is his wife. The man then asked me why I was asking the question. He said the man is the owner of his wife and he can do to her whatever he wills. I asked, "even if he treats her so badly?" The man replied by saying that they can only caution him and not interfere. That it's a domestic and personal matter. I looked back and saw the woman crying for help as the husband kept beating and dragging her along the road. People stood back looking helplessly, shaking their heads in sadness, but no one tried to rescue her from her abuser. All because the abuser is her husband.
I felt ashamed of all of us standing doing nothing to help the poor woman, and I wondered how betrayed she must have felt by people's refusal to come to her aid. Judging by the sad and sober demeanor of the men around that day, I knew they weren't happy or pleased with the conduct of that woman's husband. In fact, I knew most of them would have been happy to give him the beating of his life if given a chance, but they were rendered incapacitated by the patriarchal mentality that a woman is the property of her husband and can be treated anyhow by the husband. They were held bound by negative tradition and culture. Though they disapprove of the conduct of the husband, they knew in their heart that the husband's actions were against justice and good conscience. Everything in them condemned the deeds they witnessed, but for an evil and inhumane patriarchal mentality, they denied justice and their conscience.
And that in itself saddened me more than the pain of seeing another woman abused, because, if the prevailing mindset is not changed, generations unborn will suffer the same fate. Culture is not static. Culture evolves and changes with time as the people governed by it grow in knowledge and wisdom. If a culture is repugnant to equity and good conscience, such a culture is meant to be changed or eradicated. It has become redundant. If a mindset is damaging and destructive instead of it being constructive, we are supposed to change that mindset.
CHANGE is the only thing constant in life and any group of people that refuse to change will become irrelevant. We need to change our mentality towards abuse and marital relationships. That a man is married to a woman does not give that man the right to abuse and molest the woman. And if at all such abuse occurs, the people around have the duty to protect the victim from the abuser. Abuse is not a domestic issue. It is a societal issue. We must, as a society, stand against every form of abuse/violence even at the home front.
When we start doing this, domestic violence will be reduced if not totally eradicated. If it will be done at all, it won't be done with impunity and total disregard for human rights and dignity.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
No comments:
Post a Comment