Broda Samu got into the habit of performing his criminal ritual with me. He'll remove my pant and play with "his thing" while looking at me. I was five-six years old at the time. After like the third time he did this to me, I started avoiding him. My five year old mind didn't know what he was doing was wrong, but I discovered I didn't like him anymore. He continued being nice to me though, so my innocent mind was conflicted. I couldn't understand why I didn't like Broda Samu anymore, and I didn't want him to stop being nice to me. There was a day he called me while I was with my mother and I ignored him, pretending I didn't hear him. My mum scolded me for being rude and commanded me to go to him. I became angry that he made my mum scold me, and showed this by being insolent and rude but he ignored my rudeness and sent me on the errand he called me for.
One day I was in the sitting room gisting with my mum. She was telling me about her childhood days and I told her what Broda Samu had been doing with me as my contribution to the gist. The first sign I noticed that drew my attention to the fact that all was not well was my mum's sudden shout of dismay. Then she grabbed me touching me all over and asking whether I hurt anywhere. I told her no, that what Broda Samu does with me does not hurt at all. I described in details what he always does and my mum listened carefully, asking me questions here and there. Then she started cursing Broda Samu after relating everything to her. That was when I knew that Broda Samu had wronged me.
Till today, I can never forget how I felt immediately I knew that what Broda Samu had been doing to me was wrong. Even though I didn't understand then what abuse and molestation meant, hearing my mum say I've been wronged by Broda Samu turned my unconscious feeling of resentment to full blown hatred. My mum told me to tell him when next he calls me that I'll tell my dad if he ever calls me again. I remember fuming and shaking inside for long minutes after my discussion with my mum. It was a long time ago, but I still remember how angry and bitter I felt. So angry that I couldn't wait for the next time Broda Samu will call me before I carried out my mum's instruction.
I got up suddenly and went in search of Broda Samu. He was in the room he shared with the children of his brother. He smiled at me, telling me to come into the room. I stood by the door, with cold eyes. My heart was pumping so hard, I felt a strange boldness and anger inside me and I told him that if he ever calls me or ask me to follow him to the room again, I'll tell my daddy. I saw his eyes open wide with fear and for the first time since he started abusing me, I stopped being afraid of him. He asked me to go and he never called me to the room again. Obviously the threat of exposure did the trick.
They relocated to another state a few years down the line. I saw him one more time in my teens and I felt like hitting him. So deep was my hatred for him. Watching him eat my parents' food was like an insult upon injury. I saw in his eyes that he was aware of my hatred. For a long time I hated all men, young or old. I hated them touching me, even by mistake. I was an abused child and I was hurting.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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