HOSEI WOMEN - RECOVERING FROM DOMESTIC ABUSE

Domestic violence/abuse is not caused by alcohol use, it's not caused by drug addictions. People may sometimes blame domestic violence on substance abuse, but half of all batterers/abusers do not use drugs nor drink.

Abuse does not happen because the victim cooked the wrong food, or because another man looked at her. Abuse is not happening because the victim stayed too long at the market, or because the victim is not submissive. Domestic violence does not happen because the victim did or did not do something, or because the abuser "snapped" or is "out of control". Just the opposite.

Abuse is all about power and control. The abuser's behaviour and deeds are very intentional; and the victim is not to blame.

Victims who have been able to escape their abusive marriages/partners encounter the daily challenges of their new life of freedom. Shortly after their new found freedom, victims or former-victims usually have these internal conversation with themselves: "Why did I lose my life, my career, my friends, my family, even my church/mosque? Why didn't people believe me? He/she treated me so lovingly in public, but no one saw how he/she was in private. Why does he get to keep his/her career, the life he/she is used to, our family, and social/religious gatherings?"

It takes many victims a near death experience or destruction before they wake up to their realities and eventually leave their abusive relationships/marriages. Some victims never suffer physical harm, but all victims experience broken spirit. They lose their self and identify to an abuser who snuffed out their identity or stole it away. Victims become accustomed to abuse and being dehumanized. Something that under normal circumstances should be appalling and unacceptable.

After leaving an abusive relationship/marriage, it often takes many years of healing before a victim reclaims his/her broken pieces and recover from the abuse suffered. Many years of rigorous, painful but liberating recovery. An expert said a victim need three months to heal and recover from the abuse suffered for every year spent with the abuser. In my opinion, based on my personal experience, I'll say it's six months for every year spent with the abuser.

Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!