Every morning, afternoon and night, there are men raping their wives on their matrimonial bed. Despite the fact that marital rape is an offence punishable under the law in Nigeria, many people are refusing to accept or recognize this hideous offence as a crime. I believe the reason for this is our general nature of applying sentiments to issues.
The argument of people that say it's not possible for a husband to rape his wife is that a man has a right of access to the wife's body whenever he wants it. I agree with this fact totally, as long as the woman is in agreement. No is no, even if the parties are married. I know there are some Nos that are really Yes, when a wife wants her man to work for it. I'm not talking about those kind of Nos. I'm talking about the Nos that are heart generated. Does a man have a right to forcibly violate and defile his wife? We must keep in mind that the right a man has over his wife's body is given by God and the wife in trust, to love and to cherish. It therefore infers that for a man to legitimately claim ownership and access to his wife's body, he must be mindful and true to the duty to love and cherish his wife (body, soul and spirit).
As I said in an earlier post, rape is carried out by the perpetrator to control, dominate, demean, damage, punish, dehumanize and destroy the victim. A man that forcefully has sex with his wife without her consent, and with total disregard for her person, dignity, feelings, and dry sexual organ is not a husband. He is a disgrace to manhood, a rapist and a criminal. He is not worthy to be referred to as a husband. How a man can do that to his wife is beyond me. It's pure evil. Inflicting such grievous harm on a woman you call your own? Such men will then have the audacity to claim that what he is doing to the wife is not rape but exercising his right of ownership over his wife. What right? What right is such a husband laying claim to? Is it the right he lost the moment he defiled his wife's body, the marriage and the love they share? Is it the right he lost when he chose to treat his wife like an animal, breaking the trust put in him by God and man?
A true husband will never rape his wife. How can a rapist claim a husband's right after violating his wife? Something other men that are not in any covenant with the wife will not dream of doing to her, is being done by the very person that has the duty to protect her from it. That's abuse of position, abuse of relationship/covenant and women should please stop condoning this hideous abuse/ crime. What will such a man do to other women outside? Kill them after raping them? A man like this sees women as inferior, chattels lesser than him, to be treated anyhow he wants and some women are allowing it . I'm not blaming such women. It's not their fault. It's the fault of the patriarchal culture and religion they are brought up in. But it's time to stand up for ourselves and say No More!
You're the only person that can put a stop to your misery and pain. You need not suffer the evils you're being subjected to by an abusive husband. You have a right to say No. God expects you to say No. He hates the suffering you are going through much more than you do. Stop excusing rape. No man has a right to defile and violate his wife's body with impunity, in the name of being a husband. He is not a husband. He is a rapist, a criminal and a murderer. The most painful and unforgivable thing about marital rape is that the man/husband really has access to the wife's body to take at will and the woman will not resist him under normal circumstances, if she is happy and treated well by the husband, if she feels loved and cherished as she should. It's when a woman is made unhappy and ill-treated that she won't want the man to touch her. And forcing her is not the way to go. If a woman cannot force the man to perform his duties to her, the man has no right to force the woman to perform her duty to him. Love is not by force. Nothing justifies rape, nothing. Even if the woman has no grounds for saying No, rape shouldn't be the option.
Some men are sadists. They will intentionally do things that would turn off the wife and then proceed to forcefully have intercourse with her against her will. The wife's cry of pain , helplessness, anger and shame gives them a sadistic pleasure, instead of bringing them to their senses. And some women bear this inhuman treatment for years, in deep sorrow and resentment, like trapped animals with no hope of escape.
Woman, you need not continue suffering this injustice. You need to summon courage within you and put a stop to it. You are the only one that can. Stop waiting for your children to grow up and do it for you, you might not be able to survive the abuse for that long. I know you have taken the path of least resistance for survival sake. You have accepted the horrific ordeal you have to bear regularly as the norm, so as to be able to cope with it. You have stopped complaining or resisting, your vagina is even dead to the pain now, but your soul is not dead to it. Your spirit is not dead to it. They war within you daily, causing you untold unrest. It's never too late to stand up for yourself. It's never too late to say NO MORE to abuse.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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