Being a good parent is not easy. To successfully parent our children, we have to have succeeded in giving a good life to ourselves. For us to be able to mentor our children, we have to have a mind of our own. We have to be people of convictions and persuasion. We have to be a people that stand for something. We have to be a person that commands respect and honor. A prosperous and free person, who is under no external manipulation.
For us to be able to earn the respect of our children, our lives have to be respectable, admirable and celebratable. We have to be knowledgeable and skilled in the art of applying acquired knowledge. For us to stay relevant to our children, we have to learn not to impose our views, expectations and beliefs on them, but to, in love, show them the right way early as we walk in the way.
Children of nowadays are not the ones you tell to do as you say and not as you do. If you think they'll walk with you with that mindset, you'll actually be taking a lone stroll. We have to be understanding, tolerant, accommodating, respecting the boundaries set by our children. We have to be a practitioner of anything we want to teach them. That is the only way they will listen to you.
A mother that is battered everyday by her husband, disrespected and talked down on, who is stripped constantly of dignity and honor can never be respected by her children. They can love her to bits, no doubt. But they will be unable to respect and admire her, no matter how much they wish to. So if that kind of mother tells her girl child not to keep a type of friend or not to date a particular guy she brought home, the child is not going to listen to her. The questions that will be running in the mind of the girl are these - "How can I trust your judgement? How do you know what's good for me when you don't know what's good for you? On what ground are you giving the advice? On the ground that you are my parent?"
That alone doesn't work for children. They need to be able to see how good you've turned out, how good you're doing in your own life before they can listen to you about their own lives. When I say children, I'm not referring to toddlers and teenagers alone. I mean children generally, be they pre-teens, teenagers, young adults and youths to matured adults.
As parents, we are meant to mentor, guide and support our children through the different stages of their lives. But the only way we'll be able to do this is if our own lives are in order. If we have been successful in making our own life worthy, valuable and notable. Nobody will celebrate or admire a failure, not even the children. If we fail to deal with whatever is making our lives undesirable, it will deny us of our relevance in the lives of our children, both now and in the future.
A man that sleeps around, that is not there for his wife and children, that fails in his responsibilities will not be respected or regarded by his children. If the children amount to anything in life, they might take care of such a father, but he'll never be able to occupy the place of honor that is rightfully his. Our children need us. They need more than the food, shelter and clothing we provide. They need parents they can look up to. Parents they can boast about to their friends and colleagues. Parents they can be proud of. Parents they can come to for advice at different cross-roads in their lives. Before they will judge you suitable, they'll first look at your life to see how well you've lived it, how successful you've been in managing your own life, dreams, convictions, and challenges. It is when they see that you have a good and abuse free life, that they will trust and depend on you, as they should as children. That's how we earn the trust and respect of our children.
Therefore, saying no to mediocrity, abuse, poverty and all forms of violations is not for ourselves alone, but for the children we claim to be enduring for. If we do not sit up and take charge of our lives, it's those same children that will despise us for not fighting for our lives and destinies. To be able to be good parents to our children, we must be good to ourselves by staying true to what we want out of life. No matter the challenge that comes our way, we must never succumb to defeat. Never give up. Never stay down. Get up, try again, take charge, make something beautiful out of every mess you find yourself.
Profess. Believe. Become. Be a good example to your children of how to win, succeed, overcome, prevail and excel.
Then, they will listen to, look up to and defer to you in all things, at all times. For they've seen, through the way you handled your own life, that you have the necessary "know-how" of mentoring them to greatness.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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