Tough love is true love. As unpalatable as tough love sometimes is, its value and worth cannot be quantified. It takes true love to give tough love, either to yourself or someone else. When I see people shying away from telling or enforcing the truth in the name of love, I get sad. This is because true love sometimes is tough love. True love will be tough if and when need be. No matter how bitter, unwanted and heartbreaking the truth is, real love will say it and stand by it. Not to hurt and damage, but to hurt and heal.
I remember a time when I unknowingly stepped on a rusty nail. The people around me when this happened wanted to apply a fire-hot knife with palm oil on the tiny opening of the wound to treat it, but I blatantly refused. I was so scared of the pain I would feel if I allowed it. I was warned of the danger of leaving the foot untreated, but I didn't heed to the warning. I felt the repercussion of not allowing the application of a hot knife to my flesh cannot be as bad as the pain I would feel if I allowed it.
Two, three hours after the incident, the pain in my foot had reduced to a dull throb. By evening, I had forgotten totally about the wound. But when I woke up three days after the incident, I woke up to hell. I couldn't walk with my feet. It was swollen and extremely painful. I was taken to the hospital for treatment. They had to cut my flesh open to drain the rotten blood and flesh out of it. Needless to say, my experience at the hospital was traumatic.
Fast forward some years later, I stepped on a rusty nail again during a visit to a site one of my clients was developing. I knew what I had to do without any need for persuasion. Unfortunately, when I got to my apartment, there was no one to help apply the hot knife to my wound. Till today, I wonder where the courage to do what I did came from. With my own hands, I placed a knife on the stove, when it was red hot, I poured a little palm oil on it and applied it to my flesh. The pain was excruciating. However, the memory of the traumatic experience I had with the first experience made me strong and determined. I repeated the process a few other times and that was it. My foot did not swell, and my flesh did not rot.
That's one of the experiences I had that taught me to believe in applying tough love on myself. Though in this case, the tough love applied is physical and easy, it's the same principle when dealing with emotional, mental, financial, spiritual, and every other kind of wounds. If you leave it untreated/unattended, it would not go away. It will only eat you up alive. If you do not have people that will apply the necessary tough love you need to get your acts together, please apply it on yourself. It's your flesh, soul and spirit that is dying slowly. And if you have people around you that do not know how to give tough love, people that the love they have to offer is damaging/killing you instead of healing you because of the current prevailing circumstances you find yourself, kindly remove yourself from that kind of love and go in search of some tough love. At least, till you heal and become whole again.
I'm not saying there is no need for other kinds of love. There is. A lot of need. What I'm saying is that when it's tough love we need, we should be able to give it to ourselves and we should have people in our lives that will give it to us when there is need for it. Tough love to face the truth. Tough love to judge yourself and make necessary correction. Tough love to take difficult decisions. Tough love to say no or yes when you should. Tough love to leave or stay. Tough love to fight or let go. Tough love to build and become. Tough love to forgive and forget. Tough love!
I believe that everyone needs tough love, especially during the times we face cross-roads in life. If you are someone that gives tough love either directly or indirectly to yourself, I salute you. If you are yet to cultivate this art, it's not too late to start.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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