No one should think it is easy for any victim of abuse, (man or woman) to walk out of an abusive relationship. Despite the horrors experienced in such relationships, there are lots of personal factors that makes leaving difficult. But because of the necessity of saving one's life and the lives of innocent loved ones, some victims are left with no choice but to leave.
After leaving the abusive relationship, the victim has the daunting task of rebuilding his/her life all over again. Added to this task is the process of recovering and healing from the effects of the damage caused by the traumatic experiences in the abusive marriage.
With all these overwhelming challenges and pressure, some unfortunate souls choose this vulnerable period to put their nose where it is not needed by sitting in judgement on the victim, instead of having sympathy, if not empathy for him or her. That is when these people will start misquoting the word of God, misrepresenting the Father of all in the process. The One that is Love. They castigate the victim for not being patient, not having enough endurance, not being a good and faithful spouse, as if the proof of faithfulness in a spouse is a wasteful death as a result of abuse.
Such people are quick to rationalize abuse, claiming it is the lot of all women, no one is an exception. They claim that they are going through a worse situation with their husbands, that they are just enduring the abuse for the sake of their children, that a known devil is better than an unknown angel. Then they start talking as if they are God. Saying with authority that the victim is making a mistake, that no one will want to marry a divorcee, that in the case of a woman victim, any man that shows interest in her just wants to use and dump her. That if at all she is able to remarry, it will be as a second, third or even fourth wife. They say all sorts to frighten the abused victim from following the leading of his/her convictions.
When or if all they say does not have the desired effect of convincing the victim to continue living a miserable life, they proceed to inflict their own abuse on her by ex-communicating her from their gatherings and associations. They seize every opportunity to mock, shame and discredit the abused victim. They go as far as spreading negative rumors about the victim. They subject the victim to discrimination with their pitying and condemning stares.
If the abused victim holds a position of authority in his/her work place or place of worship, these people are the first to point out that by the reason of saying NO to abuse and a miserable life, the victim is not suitable for a leadership role, while the perpetrators of abuse are deemed suitable for leadership positions.
Many are the unfair and inhuman treatments people like this met out to victims that have the strength to say NO to abuse and leave the abusive relationship. Now, the actions of these kind of people would have been understandable had their assertion that they would have stayed in an abusive relationship if they were in the victim's shoes been true. But if the husband or wife of these people should make the mistake of slapping them lightly, they will not walk but vanish out of the marriage. Those that are quick to judge and condemn others cannot tolerate half of what the person they judge went through. Sometimes, such people are abusive to their own spouses or are victims of abuse that lacked the courage to leave and have become bitter from regret and self loathing.
I find it difficult to appreciate such hypocritical and deceitful characters. And saddening is the fact that some of these people hold position of authority and influence in the society. That is why it is important for everyone to have a mind of their own, listen to their inner voice and stay true to their convictions. Many have been misled by the wicked manipulations of fellow human beings.
My stand is this. It is the victim who is being abused that should be left with the decision of whether he/she wants to stay in the abusive relationship or leave. And whatever the victim's decision is, everyone should accept and support the victim in making the best of his/her decision. I believe this should be everyone's stand too. As a people, we should stop adding to the burden of victims of abuse by being narrow minded, ignorant, biased and judgmental.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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