The rate of Domestic Violence is on the rise all over the world.
The victims of this abuse are mostly women and children. According to the findings of a recent research, domestic violence takes up eighty percent (80%) of the overall violence experienced by women and children. While wars and other human tragedies take up the remaining twenty percent (20%). This fact is alarming to say the least.
Governments all over the world are passing laws and putting procedures in place to curb this evil, yet it has made little or no effect on the occurrence and frequency of domestic abuse. Religious institutions condemn and preach against domestic violence every day. Yet, many faithfuls are dying from the effects of abuse from their partners; literally and figuratively. We are left to wonder why, despite all these provisions and caution, the problem of domestic abuse is still prevalent in our society.
The answer is pure and simple.
Domestic abuse remains a problem because the victims are allowing the abuse.
The moment the abused decide to say NO to abuse and take appropriate actions to back the decision up, that will be the beginning of the end of the abuse. It is only the personal decision to disallow abuse by the victims that can drastically reduce, if not completely eradicate domestic violence.
Women condone abuse for various reasons.
We condone abuse because we think that is the only way to keep our relationship from breaking up. We convince ourselves that maybe if we learn to tolerate our partner's abusive actions, and not displease him by resisting, we'll earn his goodwill. And by faith, he'll stop abusing us with time. We also listen to the old women fables from our mothers and elderly people, that abuse is part of marriage every woman must endure. That a good woman bears the pain in silence while hoping for change.
From personal experience, I have come to realize that once you start accepting abuse from your partner, he/she will lose all respect for you. The more he/she gets away with abusing you, the less the love he/she will have for you, until there will be no love left for you in his/her heart.
A man can never love a woman he does not respect. And when you lose his respect, you have lost both his love and your marriage. What will be left between you is an empty shell of a marriage that will be of no benefit to you. He'll just be keeping you for his convenience, to be used and dumped at will, without any regard for your well being. Allowing abuse, to prevent a broken marriage will only bring your fear upon you. The only way to save your marriage is by facing and dealing with the problem of abuse as soon as you start noticing it. And if you have been condoning abuse, it is better late to start addressing it than never.
I remember during my own experience with abuse, my Ex started the abuse from the very beginning of the marriage. He started slow and steady. Because he knew I wasn't one to take abuse lying down, he made an habit of sending his mum and mine to "talk sense" into me. Out of respect and ignorance, I listened to them. I stopped complaining whenever he abused me with words and deeds. I became docile and accepting. Doing things against my better judgement and will, with the hope that he'll turn a new leaf. However, rather than a positive new leaf, what I got was a monstrous one. The more I condoned his bad behavior, the more of a terror he became. The more self confidence/esteem I lost, the more damaging his actions towards me, until I became his doormat. He lost all respect for me, treating me with disdain whenever we were alone. He was careful to be a "dotting husband" when people were around.
This was a man that used to worship the very ground I walked on when we were courting. I did not regain his respect until after I walked out of the marriage. Regaining his respect was a shock to me, because I never thought it was possible. Considering the level of disrespect I suffered in the marriage. This made me wonder, whether if I had been courageous enough, and had not made the mistake of condoning my Ex's abuse, maybe the marriage would have been saved. Or at worst, it would have ended early, making it less traumatic for me. I wouldn't have gone through the horror I went through.
Women also condone abuse because of their children. That is one of the worst mistakes a mother can make. Children do not learn from what we say alone. They mostly learn from what we do and what they see. A child that grew up in an abusive environment is automatically conditioned to condone and accept abuse in his/her life. Knowingly or unknowingly, he/she will end up being a victim of abuse. Such children develop problems that could have been prevented if their abused parent had said no to domestic abuse/violence.
I grew up observing my mum constantly being abused by my dad. Despite vowing to never subject myself to such treatment, I fell victim of it. To stop the yoke of abuse in your life and prevent it from occurring in the lives of your children, you must say NO to domestic abuse/violence.
Women condone abuse because of fear of how to survive without whatever security they enjoy in the abusive relationship. I understand one hundred percent (100%) and empathize with this feeling. I can only encourage you to weigh the advantages and disadvantages of staying in the abusive relationship. If after doing this, you believe staying is a better option for you, please stay.
But you must learn to protect yourself against the abuse you suffer. So that it will not have terminal effect(s) on your life. And if you decide to leave, whether temporarily or permanently, I can assure you that with God on your side, it will be a win-win situation for you. A second chance to life.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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