It always amazes me when I see ladies having so much pride in the success and achievements of the men in their lives while they have little or no ambition to be equally as successful. They want to marry and stay married to highly driven and ambitious men. They want a rich, educated and well connected man in their lives, and they do not see the need to be all those things personally.
When deciding on a man to marry, on top of the list of points to consider is the financial, material and educational status of the man. Once all the points have been checked, the man is seen as a good catch. What we fail to admit is that while men are not traditionally expected to have such points on their check list, the men of nowadays do. They don't want their women to be just good cooks and loving beings. They want to be married to intelligent, industrious and empowered women. And when their women fall short of these expectations, respecting such wives becomes difficult for them. It is only insecure, abusive and worthless men that belittle the worth and place of a woman as a productive being in the society.
While it is good to desire focused and driven men for a life partner, equally important is the economic and educational status of the woman for there to be a balance. Before a person can be respected for being proud of the success and achievements of another person, that person must be an achiever too. Else, such pride will be considered questionable. A person can only truly appreciate the value of a thing when that person has that thing or something similar to it. That is how they will both know what it takes to have the thing and the respect for each other will be mutual.
Instead of looking for a successful person to marry or staying in a dead abusive relationship because of the comfort offered by the man, make a success of your own life. Have the same belief you have in others in yourself. Stop looking outward for what is in you. Some women are deceived and enticed with wealth and appearances of success, only to be used and dumped. When a woman concentrates on making a success of her life and career, it will be difficult to fall prey to fraudulent men, because she will not be desperate.
I have always been of the opinion that human beings should be judged by their character, personality and dispositions rather than by status, education or achievements alone. Basing one's attraction to another person on wealth or achievements is a shaky foundation that can have dire consequences on the future of the relationship, especially if the partners do not have equal status. A woman can achieve anything she puts her mind to, just like a man would. Though African women are cultured to believe that they can only shine in the light of their men, many are proving this to be untrue. Despite being made to think their light can only shine in and under the light of a man, many African women are proving the contrary on a daily basis. You can too.
The two genders are equal in their ability to achieve and excel. Good and secured men are never threatened by this. In fact, they celebrate it. And those are the ones that count. Women should stop being lukewarm and nonchalant about their careers out of fear of outshining their men. A woman's success can never outshine a good husband's success. It can only compliment it. A man that is threatened by his woman's success will still be threatened by her if she stops being successful to please him. It's not the success of the woman alone that intimidates him, but also the ability to succeed that is in her. So its a lose-lose situation. You can never satisfy an insecure soul.
My advice to women is that we should just stay true to ourselves. Whatever we do should be done well. Let out your potentials and develop on them. Learn new things and stop being afraid to succeed. Empower yourself in every way possible. Seize all opportunities that come your way. Never judge yourself to be undeserving or unworthy of good things. Those that are meant for you will come into your life and stay, those that are not, allow them to leave gracefully. Stop neglecting the potential in you to please or accommodate a man in your life. That's a mistake. Be all you can be. A good man will be happy about your success the same way you are happy about his.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
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