Betrayals in relationships can ignite different responses from people, depending on orientation, background, support system, personal dispositions and many other factors. The unfaithfulness of a guilty partner can be very difficult to handle for the aggrieved partner.
Unfaithfulness can be in having sexual relation with other people, or not fulfilling the obligations and responsibilities to the relationship and aggrieved partner. It can be by being abusive or detached. Anything that denies the aggrieved party his or her legitimate rights and entitlements is unfaithfulness. To the aggrieved partner, the unfaithfulness of the guilty partner is like having the whole world collapse on his/her life. The pain felt is indescribable. Especially the first time of experiencing the unfaithfulness. What adds insult to injury for the aggrieved partner is the lack of remorse of the guilty partner.
So, to lessen the pain and disappointment of the relationship, aggrieved spouses tend to make hasty and impulsive decisions that most often than not cause more heartaches in the future. Some, after repeatedly failing to get their partners to change their irresponsible way, develop the attitude of "if you can't beat them, join them". They too start looking outside the relationship to have their needs met. Against their desire, they start living a lifestyle totally contrary to their dreams. They feel compelled to compromise so as to survive. Not only for their survival, but also that of their children.
I used to judge the aggrieved spouses that resort to this as weak and characterless, until I experienced the horror of being married to an unfaithful partner. The horror stories of other women that I've seen and heard over the years has also engraved in me a deep empathy for aggrieved spouses. There are some things that cannot be fully understood except by personal experience. So I will never judge an aggrieved partner that has taken the way of compromise to survive the betrayal of an unfaithful spouse. I will only encourage such aggrieved partners not to fall into this error.
If you can't beat them, you stand alone. You don't join them. No one can win evil by evil. We win over evil by staying incorruptible to it. Many have allowed the wrong of another person to sabotage their lives, causing them great regrets. Stay true to yourself, despite the wrongs done to you. Channel your pain and frustration to positive activities. Get involved in sports and exercise. Invest in personal improvement and development. Concentrate on your career and strive for excellence in it. Join a non governmental organization that you have a passion for their cause(s) and volunteer with them. Have a social life and engage support groups that will help you to overcome the effects of the betrayal you suffered. Develop a strong relationship with God and strengthen your spirit man with His words. Rediscover yourself and take time to heal.
Running into the arms of another person will only expose you to more abuse and betrayals, including self betrayal. If eventually you decide you are no longer interested in the marriage, because it has irretrievably broken down, the honourable thing to do is to properly dissolve the marriage by getting a divorce. It is only then that an aggrieved partner should start considering getting involved with another person.
Enough of good people turning bad because of the wrong acts of bad people. You deserve the life of your dreams, but you cannot have it through compromise. You'll get it by refusing to be corrupted by evil. Rather, stay true to your convictions, fight evil with good till good takes up your battle and gives you victory.
Life is to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
No comments:
Post a Comment